The first thing I learned about marriage, is that it grants men their first legitimate super-power. The moment I slipped the ring around my beautiful wife’s finger – lighting struck, my true identity was revealed, and I was forever granted the power I’d always wanted.
I became Invisible.
As we walked hand and hand down the aisle – minute one into forever, all eyes were on my new-found-wife for countless, no-need-to-explain, reasons. I could’ve ripped off my tuxedo to reveal nothing but a radioactive-green Speedo, as I rode back down the aisle on a goat that was being lead by a clown on stilts. And other than the wedding photo that accidentally caught half a goat’s head, I could’ve gotten away with it easy.
GUYS, YOU HAVE THE POWER TOO
Walk around a mall, park, carnival, rodeo, or retirement home with your significant other, pass by other couples and just watch to see where their eyes go.
The other guy approaching, sure isn’t going to notice you. No way. The only time he’ll even catch a glimpse, is as he tries to calculate how an Invisible Schmuck like you, somehow got a beauty like her.
But the approaching girl won’t see you either. No they’re checking out your girlfriend as well, making quick calculations in their head of whether or not they think they are better looking, and most importantly, better dressed.
GIRLS, REALLY DON’T SPEND ALL THAT TIME FOR MEN
This whole time I thought girls spent hours getting ready to impress us guys. So it just never made sense why a girl had to paint her toenails so diligently or curl her hair with such precision, as I’ve yet to meet a guy who couldn’t stop talking about a girl’s freshly purpled toenails.
But now I understand why women take so long. It’s not about impressing us men – that doesn’t take much. No, it’s really about surviving the stares of their own kind.
A Friday night for a woman is like being front and center at Broadway play, with an audience full of female critiques salivating to point out obvious blunders in your outfit. One wrong shoe/jean combination and there will be terrible reviews going out across the city.
MARRIAGE IS WONDERFUL
I love my wife. I love marriage. And I love my new super-power. It sure makes getting ready easy, when you know, no one’s going to see you.
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Guys, anyone else notice this super-power? Girls any disagreements? Any other super-powers relationships have given you?
4 Comments
This is definitely true from a girl’s perspective! I confess that I’m more likely to check out a girl then a guy. No more need to look for guys, I got my babe! When walking past ladies, my inner monologue goes something like this, “Her hair looks really cute, I wonder how she did that.” “She probably shouldn’t be wearing those pants.” “I hope I don’t look like that when I’m a mom.” “That necklace really makes the outfit.” And so on and so forth. So your right, Paul, guys have become invisible, unless, they are better dressed than the girl they are with, which leads to a whole new series of inner monologue…
Hahaha…Lindsay, spot on. Thank you for shedding some light on this inner dialogue for me. I think this is extremely freeing for me to hear (and any other random guys reading this).
Yep, it’s true. I dress more for other women than for men. If I only cared about male attention, I’d rarely have to go shopping. Clothing retailers are sooo lucky.
I’d trade with you! I think that you’re right about women getting the attention visually, and I’d be happy to not have to deal with it. Do I really want to spend my life purpling my toes?
My guess is that it has everything to do with basic biology. Physical attractiveness is the most important thing about women, while power is the most important thing about men.