What I’ve Learned About Marriage…and Super-Powers

By Paul Angone | November 25, 2009

The first thing I learned about marriage, is that it grants men their first legitimate super-power. The moment I slipped the ring around my beautiful wife’s finger – lighting struck, my true identity was revealed, and I was forever granted the power I’d always wanted.

I became Invisible.

As we walked hand and hand down the aisle – minute one into forever, all eyes were on my new-found-wife for countless, no-need-to-explain, reasons. I could’ve ripped off my tuxedo to reveal nothing but a radioactive-green Speedo, as I rode back down the aisle on a goat that was being lead by a clown on stilts. And other than the wedding photo that accidentally caught half a goat’s head, I could’ve gotten away with it easy.

GUYS, YOU HAVE THE POWER TOO

Walk around a mall, park, carnival, rodeo, or retirement home with your significant other, pass by other couples and just watch to see where their eyes go.

The other guy approaching, sure isn’t going to notice you. No way. The only time he’ll even catch a glimpse, is as he tries to calculate how an Invisible Schmuck like you, somehow got a beauty like her.

But the approaching girl won’t see you either. No they’re checking out your girlfriend as well, making quick calculations in their head of whether or not they think they are better looking, and most importantly, better dressed.

GIRLS, REALLY DON’T SPEND ALL THAT TIME FOR MEN

This whole time I thought girls spent hours getting ready to impress us guys. So it just never made sense why a girl had to paint her toenails so diligently or curl her hair with such precision, as I’ve yet to meet a guy who couldn’t stop talking about a girl’s freshly purpled toenails.

But now I understand why women take so long. It’s not about impressing us men – that doesn’t take much. No, it’s really about surviving the stares of their own kind.

A Friday night for a woman is like being front and center at Broadway play, with an audience full of female critiques salivating to point out obvious blunders in your outfit. One wrong shoe/jean combination and there will be terrible reviews going out across the city.

MARRIAGE IS WONDERFUL

I love my wife. I love marriage. And I love my new super-power. It sure makes getting ready easy, when you know, no one’s going to see you.

____

Guys, anyone else notice this super-power? Girls any disagreements? Any other super-powers relationships have given you?

Posted in What I'm Learning About Marriage | Tagged becoming invisible, getting married, learning about marriage, super-powers | 4 Comments

Yes! Monday’s Here Again!

By Paul Angone | November 17, 2009

Monday Comic

Have you ever walked into your office and your co-workers are just so excited it’s Monday they’re skipping through the halls like seven-year-olds at a chocolate factory?

Yeah...me neither. If my 8:00 AM was met with Monday morning praises ringing through our halls, I’d probably be wondering what every body was really putting in their coffee mug.

MONDAY’S TRACK RECORD

When I was twelve years old (and not exactly fond of middle school) those last fleeting hours of Sunday felt incredibly nauseating; like I was eating five Big Mac’s while simultaneously riding on a Tilt-o-Wheel.

Since I’ve joined the World of Employeedom, many Monday’s have been met with that same 12-year-old-I’m-going-throw-up, feeling. But not all.

Some Monday’s have been met with ambivalence. Other Monday’s anxiety, some annoyance, and then some with a true sense of fulfillment and excitement.

However, if I had to make a five-year tally of where Monday stood, I’d say I’ve had many more Office Space Monday’s than not.

I mean come on, I haven’t seen people clamoring to join the I Love Monday Facebook group. Monday morning is rarely anyone’s best friend, companion, or even estranged acquaintance. Instead, for most of us, it seems Monday is a mortal enemy who delights in tormenting with it’s start-of-the-week pain. No matter how hard you try to escape its clutches or cover your tracks, Monday finds you every single time.

MONDAY, WHY DO YOU MAKE ME FEEL THE WAY I DO?

Now is my lack of Monday morning excitement just a case of a bad attitude, or is it the fact that my Monday, than Tuesday, etc, etc, is not fully what I want to be doing with my life? While I know there’s many Monday’s I have chosen to make terrible, I also think how a person feels on this special day is a pretty accurate signifier on whether or not their job is aligning with their life’s strengths, dreams, and goals.

THRILLED IT’S MONDAY

I mean what if you and I lived in this crazy world where our Monday’s were met with sheer excitement? What if our job was so deeply fulfilling that on Sunday we could hardly wait to go to bed, just so Monday could arrive?

While this kind of Monday anticipation might seem a little unbelievable, I want my Monday’s to be met with unbridled expectation. Not a superficial feeling that I have to talk myself into, but a deep knowing that each Monday is a readily open door to my purpose.

Monday should be the next step, a hill worth climbing, not this sinking, inescapable pit.

HERE’S TO MONDAY

While I understand that no matter how fulfilling my job, there will always be those Monday’s when my snooze button is set on perpetual repeat.

And I understand that no matter the circumstance, each of us has a certain amount of choice to make Monday something to dread or to anticipate.

However, I truly believe that if we were truly walking out our life’s purpose, Monday would be the most anticipated day of our week. And that’s my goal. Anyone with me?

____

On the scale from 1 to Nauseous, how do you feel most Mondays?

Is the possibility of Monday being the most anticipated day of your week a fool’s dream or an already realized actuality?

Posted in Cubicles...Oh My, Is There More Than This?, Is this the Real World?, Just One of THOSE Days, Quarter Life Questioning, The Awkward of Work | Tagged case of the mondays, case of the mundays, Employeedom, job aligning with goals, life-purpose, office space, true sense of fulfillment | 5 Comments

ALIENS! RUN! HIDE!

By Paul Angone | November 10, 2009

Aliens1

You know the movie scene when the alien spaceship is hovering over the city and the two neighbors come outside and see it for the first time.

Fred the accountant, drops his jaw along with his mail. William the chef, his coffee cup – mid-sip.

Then they both just slowly look across their front yards at each other, neither of them saying a word. But you can almost hear their minds, hearts, souls, vital organs – every thing letting out a collective scream of “Holyyyyyy Shhiiiiii…..”

ESCAPE PLAN

Fred, goes into fetal mode. He grabs his wife, two kids, tax documents (remember he’s an accountant) and hides under their king-size bed, hoping alien lasers can’t penetrate goose down comforters.

William, on the other hand, goes frantic. He grabs his two dogs, three guinea pigs, and parakeet named Tweeter and starts running down the road – bird cage in one hand, guinea pigs in the other.

And watching from your movie theater seat, you nervously fidget. Hiding under the bed or trying to outrun an alien ship equipped with thirty rockets, is obviously not going to lead to a happy ending.

But you like these guys and you really want them both to live, so to the embarrassment of your friends you yell quite loudly, “C’mon guys! Neither one of you is going to make it. Figure out a Plan B!”

OUR ALIEN SHIP

Doesn’t it kind of feel like there’s an alien spacecraft hovering over us right now? The economy, lay-offs, foreclosures, hiring freezes, and scandals all seem to be little spacecrafts, sent from the gigantic, looming, Mothership of Terror that we can’t even see, but can sure feel it’s shadow.

As the alien ships feel closer and every one starts boarding up their windows to survive until morning, I know I have gone back and forth between the frantic and fetal. From sprinting circles around my living room, screaming inaudibly. To hiding under my bed, sucking on a pacifier of this is not happening, this is not happening.

I either lie on the couch watching reruns of Friends, finding extreme enjoyment in all their problems being wrapped up nice and tidy in exactly twenty-four minutes.

Or I’m hearing about the newest woes of the economy on CNN, while sporadically checking my bank account, tapping my computer screen where my balance should be hoping that my finger can awaken the comatose finances that are sick and anemic.

This fear becomes suffocating and overwhelming. It either tranquilizes me to do absolutely nothing, or gives me an adrenaline/anxiety rush to try and do every thing at once. Both reactions making me the idiot who’s probably not going to make it.

OUR AUDIENCE

I wonder if God’s out in the theater seats, eating a big bag of popcorn, shaking his head and yelling at his screen, “C’mon Paul, the fetal and the frantic are not going to work. It’s time for Plan B! The whole trusting and depending on ME thing.”

Well as I look up at the alien spacecraft, with it’s death lasers set to start disintegrating in

T-minus…10…9…8…7…

God help! I choose Plan B. I choose Plan B.

Posted in Fear is Scary | Tagged alien spacecraft, aliens, escape plan, God Help, Plan B, suffocating fear, the economy, this is not happening | 2 Comments

I CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH

By Paul Angone | November 2, 2009

Have you ever realized you’re great at telling every body the truth, but yourself? You put others under a powerful NASA microscope and yet when you take a good, hard look at you, it’s from atop the Goodyear Blimp.

I can spot that stray hair on someone’s face, that extreme character flaw that’s holding her back, or that outfit that makes him look a little like Sham00 after eating a school of krill – but when it comes to myself, I tend to plead complete ignorance.

I’m struck with this realization time and time again and yet, just keep on ignoring it. (For obvious reasons, I guess)

DO WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THIS?

Why is it so easy to point out the foibles in others, and yet when we look at ourselves we’re like the naive mother who’s son has never done wrong?

Maybe it’s because we don’t want to end our illusion with reality? We’d rather immerse ourselves in a life-long Game of Pretend, than realize what we need to change and how we need to grow.

THAT’S NOT ME

You don’t think that’s you? Well, how many times last week did you think through all the flaws in your co-workers? How many times did you point out all the short-comings in your spouse, brother, father, and then proceede to tell them how they need to change?

How many times, instead of first thinking the problem was with them, did you wonder if maybe the problem was with you?

Because really, it’s probably not really our boss holding us back, or our teacher, or father. It’s us. And as long as we keep blaming the somebody else’s, there will ALWAYS be a scapegoat that’s outward, when it should be in. We want to just roll through our Destiny Drive-Thru, instead of taking the long-road trip of change.

WE NEED TO CHANGE

I keep striving for a place where I don’t need to change. Where I’ve climbed to the right altitude and can just cruise for the rest of my life.

But I’m realizing more and more that there is an inherent, dire importance to continue down the path of change. It’s hiking numerous mountains, each higher peak offering a new perspective. And if I haven’t taken the time to get to know the one person I’ve lived with my entire life, then how will I know which mountain to climb?

LOOK IN THE MIRROR

Like the girl sporting the Tom Selleck mustache or the guy with the never-ending unibrow (I used to be him), just because you want to pretend that no one can see all those hairs, doesn’t mean they don’t exist.

Maybe it’s time we look in the mirror and start plucking?

Because honestly, the most inconvenient truths, are the ones we won’t tell ourselves.

Any Inconvenient Truths you need to get off your chest right now? Go for it.

Posted in Is There More Than This?, Know Thyself, Quarter Life Questioning | Tagged character flaw, destiny drive-thru, game of pretend, illusion, look in the mirror, most inconvenient truths, new perspective, reality, scapegoats, tell yourself the truth, we need to change | Leave a comment

Transforming Twentynothings into Twenty-somethings

What I’ve Learned About Marriage…and Super-Powers

GUYS, YOU HAVE THE POWER TOO

GIRLS, REALLY DON’T SPEND ALL THAT TIME FOR MEN

MARRIAGE IS WONDERFUL

Yes! Monday’s Here Again!

MONDAY’S TRACK RECORD

MONDAY, WHY DO YOU MAKE ME FEEL THE WAY I DO?

THRILLED IT’S MONDAY

HERE’S TO MONDAY

ALIENS! RUN! HIDE!

ESCAPE PLAN

OUR ALIEN SHIP

OUR AUDIENCE

I CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH

DO WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THIS?

THAT’S NOT ME

WE NEED TO CHANGE

LOOK IN THE MIRROR

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Transforming Twentynothings into Twenty-somethings

What I’ve Learned About Marriage…and Super-Powers

GUYS, YOU HAVE THE POWER TOO

GIRLS, REALLY DON’T SPEND ALL THAT TIME FOR MEN

MARRIAGE IS WONDERFUL

Yes! Monday’s Here Again!

MONDAY’S TRACK RECORD

MONDAY, WHY DO YOU MAKE ME FEEL THE WAY I DO?

THRILLED IT’S MONDAY

HERE’S TO MONDAY

ALIENS! RUN! HIDE!

ESCAPE PLAN

OUR ALIEN SHIP

OUR AUDIENCE

I CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH

DO WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THIS?

THAT’S NOT ME

WE NEED TO CHANGE

LOOK IN THE MIRROR

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Also Find Me Here..

Friends - Real and Cyberspaced

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